Hello PPMA friends

At this time of year it’s as important as ever to take care of yourself as well as others and Hannah Bornet, Wellbeing Manager at the Financial Ombudsman Service and PPMA Let’s Talk Wellbeing Deputy Theme lead shares some great tips on how to do this.

“It feels only right that this post refers to 3 out of the 5 ways to wellbeing: give, connect and take notice. Although this is the season to be jolly, sometimes it doesn’t always feel like it. With the cold weather, dark mornings (and early evenings!) and pressure to attend so many events, meet deadlines and stay healthy, it can all be too much. But there is light, in the form of nature, candles, blankets and hot chocolate. Hygge is a great Danish concept which is all to do with being in the moment and feeling cosy and content. Whether this is with friends, or on your own, you can relish and give thanks to your situation and surroundings. Plus it’s a great way to counteract busy December and drab January. So give to yourself this festive season and mark out some hygge time.

The great thing about this time of year too is the abundance of giving to others – the good that people do to raise awareness and funds for so many important causes is so wonderful to see. When you get your 5^th request to donate, before you grit your teeth or heave a large sigh, think about what you would spend that same amount on – £5 lunch, £10 for a couple of coffees each week…plus you get to feel good about yourself for doing something great. It is not all about giving money, you can donate to foodbanks or clothes appeals, but perhaps even more powerful, you can give your time. Here at Financial Ombudsman Service we held a community event for elderly community groups of Tower Hamlets to come along for afternoon tea and games. The band went down a storm, as did the sandwiches which made it into pockets and bags if they weren’t consumed on the spot. We had 15 volunteers from the organisation to help run the afternoon and talk to the lovely people who had made an effort to come and visit us. The sheer buzz and delight of the event ended in everyone heading to the ‘dancefloor’ for a little boogie. It’s safe to say both community members and employees left with big grins on their faces and feeling satisfied. We are so grateful for the virtuosity of our staff – what a way to connect to our community!

For some people, however, this time of year brings poignancy to the absence of family and friends. At the ombudsman we are conscious of the impact of loneliness on people’s mental and physical health. We have taken notice of this and signed the government’s employer Loneliness pledge to make sure we are tackling loneliness in our workplace and would encourage other organisations to consider signing up too. Our sports and social committee arrange a variety of events throughout the year which encourages people who haven’t yet made connections at work to come along and meet new people. We have seen an increase in individuals signing up over the last 6 months as the popularity of the events spread.

We see people at work every day so are potentially the only people around to spot whether someone needs a little lift – buy a coffee or invite them for a drink. Or even more simply make sure you take the time to acknowledge them and the contribution they are making to the organisation. PPMA are running an online PPMA Advent calendar throughout December to share good spirits and joy as far as we can and reach out to some of those who may not look forward to this time of year. Across the country, public sector workers are taking notice and connecting with colleagues by telling someone how much they matter and saying ‘it’s wonderful knowing you’. Check out our social media for the details and do get involved.

It really is #wonderfulknowingyou all. Have a lovely Christmas.

Hannah Bornet, Wellbeing Manager, Financial Ombudsman Service and PPMA Let’s Talk Wellbeing Deputy Theme.

Hello PPMA Friends

Our blog post this week has been written by Paul Friday who is Director of Strategic Relationships for good our friends and sponsors MHR. Paul penned this thought proving piece to coincide with Men’s Health Week in June and we’re so pleased to be sharing it with you all.

“This year, The Men’s Health Forum are dedicating Men’s Health Week to the mental health aspects of men’s health, which got me thinking about the real lack of discussion I see on men’s health in general.

While fantastic projects like those by the Men’s Health Forum raise awareness around mental health problems specific to men, there has been a real cultural lack of discussion about men’s health, with language around men who are struggling to cope often very negative. If men begin to drink too much, become despondent, quiet or moody, or argue more, the correct response is to ask if they are OK. More likely though, men will be described as moody, aggressive, angry, out of control, a mess, a loser – this language is only going to make the men it refers to feel even worse about themselves and less likely to open up.

MHR have a free guide to better men’s health.

What are the cultural perceptions?

There is another issue in that we celebrate negative aspects of masculinity rather than intervening. Open any men’s magazine or watch any film aimed at men, and these traits are apparent. A real man, we are informed, is one who is a hard-drinking, fighting cowboy who stays silent about what bothers him, only expressing himself by shooting his rival. He is the James Bond type, working long hours before drinking (again), gambling and never finding a meaningful relationship. He’s the soldier on the battlefield struggling to hold it all together, he’s the absent father, entirely to blame for a broken relationship, the boxer with nothing left and he has to do all this while being charming, in great shape and without support.

This image needs to change. Because men, well, they’re people too; not just action heroes.

Realistically, we all go through stressful periods in life, whether that’s the result of work stress, family life, financial pressure, health concerns or something else. However, very few men are open to discussing these subjects honestly and in detail, except perhaps after a few beers – products marketed predominantly at men, but which can lead to violent outbursts, something seen as a masculine trait.

The idea of men as inherently aggressive or violent is likely to cause low self-esteem in men, who feel saying or doing the wrong thing may lead to unwarranted stigma. When anxious about saying the wrong thing, men who actually are having struggles with anger issues are less likely to open up when they need help the most. The image of men needs to change so that they can express what they are going through safely.

Where does this lead?

The sad irony is that men, perhaps as they can’t discuss anger openly, commit 86% of violent crime and are twice as likely to be a victim of violent crime[1]. Outbursts of this kind are a possible indicator of mental health issues boiling over, something which does not receive the attention it deserves.

As socially unacceptable as anger is, in the society of ‘a stiff upper-lip’, anger is still seen by men as a more socially acceptable response than crying or talking, as these are seen as feminine traits and therefore even less socially acceptable than anger. This is of deep concern.

Aggression and anger (luckily) do not always manifest themselves as violence. Clenched fists, pacing, and swearing are all pressure valves for letting repressed emotions of fear, sadness and disappointment hiss out in a less unacceptable manner.

While these actions may go no further, they could be a strong indicator of an imminent explosion, or unexplained implosion – in too many cases suicide is a high risk.

In 2016 men represented 76% of all suicides[2] which is a shockingly high number, especially when considering that 87% of rough sleepers are men[3]. It seems that those who fall under the radar and do not take their own lives may be in danger of losing their lives in other ways.

Men are suppressing their emotions

Proof that men struggle to speak about their problems is even evident through word choices. A study by NSPA showed that men expressing their emotions found descriptions like feeling ‘angry’, ‘a bit weird’ and ‘emotional’ as inaccurate or having the wrong connotations[4]. The terms the men who were surveyed preferred to use to describe themselves were:

– Not 100%
– Down
– Worried
– Vulnerable
– Lonely
– (Under) Pressure

These terms are less specific and slightly non-committal, so the perception may be that men using these terms are likely to subtly suggest they need support, rather than screaming out that things are close to breaking point – a point at which a lot of damage may have already been done.

Again, the inability to convey mental health issues effectively may be a factor in suicide, with 6,122 UK men taking their lives in 2014 for example. Tragically, one man every two hours[5] will needlessly disappear from the world, which needs to stop.

The other ingredient for poor communication over men’s mental health is the unwillingness to speak up when things are bad.

A 2016 study for the Men’s Health Forum explained that ‘34% of men said they would be embarrassed or ashamed to take time off work for mental health concerns such as anxiety or depression compared to 13% for a physical injury’[6].

This statistic is very telling and indicates that mental health is viewed differently than physical health, and men are aware of a stigma which may or may not exist within their place of work.

Jim Pollard from the Men’s Health Forum points out ‘the language we use needs to put the individual in control.’[7] This is because macho norms can mean men will not speak up if they fear judgement.

Men also react poorly to being told what to do for the same reason. As a result, messages like ‘don’t do that!’ over smoking, drinking, diet or wellbeing have had limited effectiveness with men[8], so there is no reason to think this approach would work differently for mental health issues.

Further proof of this is that ‘men are three times as likely to report frequent drug use and nearly three times more likely to become alcohol dependant than women.[9] These are often solitary acts and at the extreme end of these abuses are the drug and alcohol dependent rough sleepers we’ve all encountered. These who are usually men – perhaps men who couldn’t ask for help before things got too bad.

Why men hide their feelings

Time to Change have previously taken to Twitter to get comments from the public about mental health issues which men experience. Many of the issues we have looked at so far were reiterated here in a much larger, if more general method of research.

When asked what might make opening up about mental illness difficult for men, people said:

‘’People often don’t think depression is a real illness. That goes for both genders though.’’

Which backs up the statistics around men not reporting mental illness as often as physical problems.

‘’Being judged by other men. All about ego and stigma. End of the day, illness can strike anyone.’’

Echoing the idea of a macho culture and showing men feel judged, even though ‘’illness can strike anyone’’.

‘’Lots of people are frightened by mental illness. Perhaps some men don’t want to be seen as scary monsters.’’[10]

This is an interesting point, as it shows a stigma which the research has not truly discussed, which is male aggression, often the way men express their loss of control.

Men’s mental health and how to spot problems

We’ve seen men are at high-risk for mental health issues, substance abuse and suicide, and yet are much less likely to ask for help.

If you think you may be struggling with your mental health or there’s a man out there who you think needs assistance, look out for these warning signs, as advised by the National Institute of Mental Health[11]:

– Anger, irritability or aggressiveness.
– Noticeable changes in mood, energy level, or appetite.
– Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much.
– Difficulty concentrating, feeling restless, or on edge.
– Increased worry or feeling stressed.
– A need for alcohol or drugs.
– Sadness or hopelessness.
– Suicidal thoughts.
– Feeling flat or having trouble feeling positive emotions.
– Engaging in high-risk activities.
– Ongoing headaches, digestive issues, or pain.
– Obsessive thinking or compulsive behaviour.
– Thoughts or behaviours that interfere with work, family, or social life.
– Unusual thinking or behaviours that concern other people.

If these characteristics seem familiar, it’s crucial that you or the men you care about speak to the right people. There is a list of resources at the bottom of the page and a downloadable guide with some further advice on self-care.

What to do now

Going through mental health problems is hard for everyone. For men it can feel like talking is not an option and that it’s better to bottle everything up and look after our friends and families first, but we need to look after ourselves as well. Opening up and talking or admitting we can’t cope doesn’t feel like ‘the manly thing to do’, but that needs to change if we want to avoid self-destructive behaviours in men. As men, if we don’t learn to accept and address our mental health struggles, then we stand to lose everything.

Falling behind at work and losing our jobs. Losing our homes and possessions as a result, losing our partners, losing our tempers…if we don’t lose the inability to have a conversation, we stand to lose everything that matters.

Too many men are suffering in silence, with too many disappearing for good because they couldn’t ask for help. As men, I feel we are strong enough to accept we are sometimes weak, and we can beat our problems through talking to others and being there for friends when they struggle too.

Don’t give up, because if you are still surviving against the odds, then getting help means you will become unstoppable. You’ll become happy too, that’s what really counts. Here are some good resources to get started or for you or any men you know:

NHS: This useful site gives practical advice on dealing with mental health difficulties, including an overview, how to get advice and how to treat your problems, as well as some insightful stories from people who have struggled themselves. – https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/

Mind #1: This page encourages more men to speak up about mental health, with really good, in-depth advice. – https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/man-up-getting-more-men-in-mental-health/#.XNLn6o5KiUk

Mind #2: Contact details and a breakdown of the Mind ‘Infolines’. Mind are one of the best organisations for mental health assistance and their helpline is good place to go if things are too much. – https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

Movember: Known more for charity fundraising than articles, the charity actually offer some of the most relevant articles, as they are one of the few mental health organisations focussing purely on men. This site helps men to learn the benefits of talking more, offers a lot of stories from other men and includes podcasts and practical resources for free – https://uk.movember.com/mens-health/mental-health

Paul Friday, Director of Strategic Relationships, MHR

References:

[1] http://www.nspa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Mens-Health-Forum-Mind-Your-Language.pdf

[2] http://www.nspa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Mens-Health-Forum-Mind-Your-Language.pdf

[3] http://www.nspa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Mens-Health-Forum-Mind-Your-Language.pdf

[4] http://www.nspa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Mens-Health-Forum-Mind-Your-Language.pdf

[5] https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/lets-hear-realistic-discussion-male-mental-health

[6] https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/lets-hear-realistic-discussion-male-mental-health

[7] https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/lets-hear-realistic-discussion-male-mental-health

[8] https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/lets-hear-realistic-discussion-male-mental-health

[9] https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/lets-hear-realistic-discussion-male-mental-health

[10] https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/why-dont-men-talk-about-mental-health-problems

[11] https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/men-and-mental-health/index.shtml

Dear PPMA friends

This week we are sharing an important story about mental health from a friend of PPMA’s. Nicky Ingham is the Executive Director for HPMA, one of our MOU Partners and she is sharing her own very profound and personal experiences of mental health challenges. Below, Nicky introduces her story and then there is a link to a podcast she participated in. Please do make time to listen to it.

Mental health is an issue that affects many of us and it is one of our Let’s Talk: Wellbeing priorities this year. Our new pages will be up shortly and you can read more about the issue and participate in conversations about it too.

In the meantime, here’s Nicky’s story…

“I am pleased to share my journey of discovery as I like to refer to it, I am not alone in going through what I went through, however, by sharing my story I hope I can offer comfort and support to others.

By way of background, I have always worked in public service, predominantly within healthcare, and undertook over 24 years in a variety of HR and OD roles, culminating in being a Director of Workforce and OD in 3 different organisations. I would describe myself as positive and resilient, with a real passion for people and wanting to make the world a better place for us all to live and work in.

A few years ago, I found myself in a state of despair with both home and work being challenging, you can usually deal with one of these at a time, however when they both throw you challenges; it can feel impossible to deal with. My family is very important to me and when one of them is suffering, you feel it too. My brother was experiencing a difficult break up with his 3 beautiful daughters at the centre, it wasn’t easy to say the least, however I was there for him and for my mum and dad, I was always the one who rescues the situation and put my needs to the back of my mind.

A feeling of isolation and loneliness at work, generated all sorts of perceptions in my mind about who I was, what I was doing, and whether I was achieving. I felt my voice wasn’t heard by others which just added to the isolation if felt, which resulted in a downward spiral of my mental health. When I talk about it now, I can appreciate what a dark place I was in, however at the time I felt alone, and didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, or did I feel no one was interested so put the barriers around me, even higher.

I met Ian Pettigrew, Kingfisher Coaching, when we shared a stage at the 2018 CIPD conference – I shared a snippet of my story with a diverse audience of HR professionals, Ian felt it would make a great podcast that would help others. I totally agreed and find sharing my story is part of my ongoing recovery, if I can support just one person through the power of sharing, then it is totally worthwhile. There is still too much stigma attached to mental health, it is time for us to be open and let people know it can happen to anyone at any time, we are all vulnerable and #ItsOkNotToBeOk

You can listen to the podcast which shares the whole story of how I got to the lowest point, survived and turned things around through several mediums, all with the support of my husband and close friends”.

Nicky Ingham

@nickyinghamICTP